


Grell's Cinematic Record

by talesofadragon



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Suicide, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-12 01:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11726538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesofadragon/pseuds/talesofadragon
Summary: Going through Grell's cinematic record on the day of her suicide plus a little extra. This is all headcanon based and I would really rather not get negative feedback for my headcanons. If I have missed anything that is canon, you can tell me politely.





	Grell's Cinematic Record

Grell Sutcliff. Born the 15th of April in 1759. She was born to a wealthy family in London. Her father was a well known lawyer; always doting over his clients and working non-stop for them. Whatever they wanted, they received from him. He hadn’t lost a case since his first. Her mother, on the other hand, didn’t work, but was always having some type of party whether it be for her husband’s clients, government officials, or just some other wealthy families. Grell was abandoned by them, and always had a different nanny take care of her day in and day out. 

When Grell was around the age of five, she saw a beautiful, red, frilly dress that she so desperately wanted in a store window. She shook her nanny’s hand and pointed to the dress. Her nanny frowned, pulling Grell along and away from the window. “ _You’re a boy. Boy’s do not wear dresses! It is indecent!”_

She didn’t understand.

She didn’t feel like a boy. She didn’t want to be one anyway, so why couldn’t she wear the dress? It was prettier than what she wore now; a monochrome, little suit that was tailored just for her. Why couldn’t she wear what she wanted? Her parents didn’t pay attention to her anyway. Why would they care?

At the age of ten, she attended her first party, hosted by her mother. Government officials stormed the manor, but Grell didn’t mind since she was receiving more attention than she had ever received in her life. Most of the officials hadn’t known that the Sutcliff’s even had a child. Did her parents not talk about her at all? Did they not _want_ to talk about her?

After meeting everyone that would give her the time of day, she joined her mother’s side who was talking to a lady dressed in a white, frilly gown. She pulled at her mother’s sleeve, simply wanting a pat on the head, or even a smile would suffice. Her mother threw her arms back and shook off Grell, apologizing to the lady in white about her _son’s_ behavior.

Anger overtook Grell. Every inch of her body grew hot. Her fists tightening with rage. Was this anger caused by her mother’s lack of attention, or the fact that she had called Grell her son? Maybe it was both, but she didn’t give herself time to deduce her anger. With all her strength, she pushed her mother’s legs forward, making her spill the glass of wine in her hands all over the other lady’s pure, white dress.

The whole manor had gone quiet. Grill’s mother, who had never once glanced at the child, grabbed her by the arm. It was a harsh grip and it was sure to leave a bruise. She was dragged, kicking and screaming, into her room where she was beaten by her own mother for misbehaving during an important party that would have landed her father a position in the government.

Grell was never allowed to attend one of her mother’s parties again and her father never got a government position.

At age 17, Grell was at the theatre almost every weekend. She so desperately wanted to be an actress. On a brightly lit stage with hundreds of thousands of people giving her every bit of their attention. She didn’t care about the money. She was the only child of the Sutcliff’s. She would receive their money. All she cared about was the fame.

 _“You’re not going to be an actress! Acting is an un-intelligent profession that only dumb girls go into that can’t find a good man. You are not a girl at all. You’re my son and will be attending the highest ranking law school in England and that is final!”_ Her father had repeatedly told her, but she didn’t want to go to law school. She didn’t want to be his son either. She didn’t want to be a boy at all.

She didn’t want to be a Sutcliff.

Grell Sutcliff. Died the 20th of October in the year 1784 at the age of 25. Cause; trauma to the head and extreme loss of blood. She had jumped out her father’s office window during a meeting with him. She had graduated with a degree in law and was her father’s assistant. She wore a red tie to work every day which her father made her change to one of his dull black one’s.

Every day up until the day of her suicide was filled with anxiety, frustration, and incoherent rage. All her father wanted was for her to follow in his footsteps. He didn’t care about her. He just cared about his legacy. Her mother barely knew who Grell was anymore due to some sort of memory loss. Grell had no friends. She wasn’t allowed that luxury. She was completely and utterly alone up until her suicide.

She thought that death was the end, but she was wrong. All she had wanted to do was die; put herself out of the misery of life, but she had even failed at that. Did they all feel like this? They must have. All reapers had killed themselves to end their lives and yet, here they were in some sort of limbo collecting and judging souls. What an evil thing to do to someone that had been so depressed and done with life that they took their own life.

At least she wasn’t alone anymore.

At least she didn’t have to beg for attention, or at least not as much.

At least she didn’t have to call herself a boy anymore. She didn’t have to call herself anyone’s son.

At least her parents didn’t have to worry about a misbehaving, no-good, disappointment anymore.


End file.
